Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway...

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why is it that people say they slept like a baby; when babies wake up like every two hours?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one, when he was shot by the woman's husband.

Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

Forgive your enemy but remember the asshole's name.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?